Stop Asking For A Man That You’re Not Ready For

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I go through periods of self-evaluation where I get real and ask myself am I everything that I’m asking for.  If I’m asking to be blessed with a new opportunity, I question whether or not I’m also providing opportunities for others. If I’m asking for someone to come and speak into my life, I question whether or not I’m speaking to others on the level that I’m at. And if I’m asking to be positioned around likeminded people, I check my own actions to make sure that I’m the person that I want to be positioned around. I find it necessary because it’s easy to get off track. It’s easy to start wanting more than what you’re giving, and to fall into this “me only” mentality out of emotional greed. Lately, I’ve seen a lot of people openly sharing that they would like to have a partner: someone to go out with, cuddle with, and share their problems with whenever the need arises. Someone to rub their booties, feed their bellies, and make them feel good when they’re not at their best. I don’t know if it’s because cuffing season is around the corner and people are anticipating those cold nights alone while their friends brag about their Netflix and Chill escapades, or if they’re genuinely looking for someone who will fall in love with them, flaws and all. But seeing these cries for love (or maybe lust) made me take another look at myself, and I wondered, why am I not asking for those things, too?

It’s not that I’m heartless or that I’ve sworn off the opposite sex because I’m on my super feminist “don’t want a man, don’t need a man” mantra, but because I’ve identified an imbalance that needs to be checked before I start asking for more deposits. The problem to me is that so many of us claim we want somebody who’s an asset when we’re the ones who are liabilities.

Many of us claim we want somebody who’s an asset when we’re the ones who are liabilities.

We want someone to love us, take care of us, compliment us, and strengthen us when we don’t even do those things for ourselves. We ask for a partner with financial stability when we’re still living paycheck-to-paycheck, expecting them to elevate us from broke to boss instead of coming to the table with our own instead. We want someone who will be loving and affectionate but criticize ourselves for not being good enough, so they now have to go above and beyond to give what we should already have. We want someone to pour their half into our empty cups and then wonder why we are still only half full. It’s a backwards mentality, and one that leads to breakups and breakdowns that are sometimes irreparable.

It’s not always that the person wasn’t right for you, maybe it’s that you weren’t right for them. Just maybe you’re alone because you still have some internal work to do, and there’s nothing wrong with that. We all have periods where we have to go back in and fix things. It’s called self-maintenance. During times of maintenance you have to go off-line because you are of no value to anybody until you’re repaired, otherwise you’re putting others at risk of breaking down with you.

Maybe you’re alone because you still have some internal work to do.

It’s not fair to ask someone to be your asset when you’re not in a place where you can make a return on their investment. So do yourself a favor and stop asking for someone you’re not ready for. Invest in yourself so that you don’t become a liability to others.