Stop Asking For A Man That You’re Not Ready For CategoriesLove

Stop Asking For A Man That You’re Not Ready For

I go through periods of self-evaluation where I get real and ask myself am I everything that I’m asking for.  If I’m asking to be blessed with a new opportunity, I question whether or not I’m also providing opportunities for others. If I’m asking for someone to come and speak into my life, I question whether or not I’m speaking to others on the level that I’m at. And if I’m asking to be positioned around likeminded people, I check my own actions to make sure that I’m the person that I want to be positioned around. I find it necessary because it’s easy to get off track. It’s easy to start wanting more than what you’re giving, and to fall into this “me only” mentality out of emotional greed.

Lately, I’ve seen a lot of people openly sharing that they would like to have a partner: someone to go out with, cuddle with, and share their problems with whenever the need arises. Someone to rub their booties, feed their bellies, and make them feel good when they’re not at their best. I don’t know if it’s because cuffing season is around the corner and people are anticipating those cold nights alone while their friends brag about their Netflix and Chill escapades, or if they’re genuinely looking for someone who will fall in love with them, flaws and all. But seeing these cries for love (or maybe lust) made me take another look at myself, and I wondered, why am I not asking for those things, too?

It’s not that I’m heartless or that I’ve sworn off the opposite sex because I’m on my super feminist “don’t want a man, don’t need a man” mantra, but because I’ve identified an imbalance that needs to be checked before I start asking for more deposits. The problem to me is that so many of us claim we want somebody who’s an asset when we’re the ones who are liabilities.

Many of us claim we want somebody who’s an asset when we’re the ones who are liabilities. Click To Tweet

We want someone to love us, take care of us, compliment us, and strengthen us when we don’t even do those things for ourselves. We ask for a partner with financial stability when we’re still living paycheck-to-paycheck, expecting them to elevate us from broke to boss instead of coming to the table with our own instead. We want someone who will be loving and affectionate but criticize ourselves for not being good enough, so they now have to go above and beyond to give what we should already have. We want someone to pour their half into our empty cups and then wonder why we are still only half full. It’s a backwards mentality, and one that leads to breakups and breakdowns that are sometimes irreparable.

It’s not always that the person wasn’t right for you, maybe it’s that you weren’t right for them. Just maybe you’re alone because you still have some internal work to do, and there’s nothing wrong with that. We all have periods where we have to go back in and fix things. It’s called self-maintenance. During times of maintenance you have to go off-line because you are of no value to anybody until you’re repaired, otherwise you’re putting others at risk of breaking down with you.

Maybe you’re alone because you still have some internal work to do. Click To Tweet

It’s not fair to ask someone to be your asset when you’re not in a place where you can make a return on their investment. So do yourself a favor and stop asking for someone you’re not ready for. Invest in yourself so that you don’t become a liability to others.

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  1. Listen, Kiah, Listen. First off thank you for this post. I really felt like you sat me down and said here, I wrote this for you. I am in this space at this very moment. It took me a moment to realize I have all these demands and requirements and I am either not living up to what I am asking for or I am simply settling until he comes along. I think the most important thing I realized that is as long as I am wasting my time with the wrong ones I am blocking the opportunity for the right one to find me. This was absolutely amazing and eye opening. Thank you for sharing!

    1. Yeah I had to take a step back myself and just really ask myself if I was ready for what I was asking for. I think it’s so important to come to the table not expecting more than what you are giving if you want a healthy relationship. Thanks for reading chica!

  2. Powerful, and true on so many levels. I think that this is a question we must ask ourselves frequently. We’re always in want, but are we capable of reciprocating?

    1. Exactly. I think once you are able to answer that with a confident yes then you won’t even have to ask for it, it’ll come. Thanks for reading!

  3. Whew! This was good. I seriously felt the EXACT same way about a year ago and stopped praying/wishing that God would send me somebody. And it was the best thing because it freed me up to just be my best self and enjoy the process.

  4. YO!….YO!!!!! all is can say is YOOOOOOOO! Linda listen, this right here had me in tears! Beautifully written! It’s needs to be on XON!

  5. AMAZING !!! I truly needed to read this because it genuinely spoke to my heart !!! Great Job !! A lot of women need to read this !! I definitely will be a new subscriber !

  6. I love love it! Ironically I just wrote a similar post last night. This last year for me has been a big imbalance in my life and I didn’t feel comfortable bringing someone into my chaos. Not only that but I would not have been able to be as attentive to that person. Desperation can lead to some serious consequences especially in a relationship. Now I can bring something to the table, my mind is free, my goals are visible. We all have that period where you have to work on yourself. Prepare yourself for the blessing you praying for.

  7. Kiah, I greatly appreciate this article and I realized it is time for me to do some soul searching and build myself back up.

    1. Yeah we all have to step back at some point, especially if you see your relationships not going in the direction you want. Thanks for reading and glad this spoke to you!

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